PRESIDENT: Hillary Clinton.
Reason 1: Nothing could convince me to vote for Donald Trump. To paraphrase one of my favorite cartoon characters, Squidward Tentacles, I would rather tear out my brain stem, drag it to the nearest four-way intersection, and skip rope with it, rather than vote for (what follows is mine) that bullying, sexist, racist, classist, willfully stupid, mentally stupid, Russian dictator butt-kissing, Tiananmen Square protestor hating, Benito Mussolini pantomiming, bankruptcy declaring, employee wage non-paying, lawsuit threatening, inciting his hateful mobs to violence, can’t move his big fat mouth without lying Donald Trump!
Reason 2: I thought about voting third party. Hillary is not liberal enough for my taste. What made up my mind was the Republican Convention, which I watched live without blabby commentators. The convention floor screamed “lock her up” and otherwise howled for Hillary’s blood. Jailing your opponent is for third world dictators, not for American politicians. To paraphrase Aku, the wonderfully over-the-top villain from Samurai Jack, you bullies can run but you cannot hide, because (even over 2500 miles away and through an HD TV) I can smell bullying blood! If Trump is elected, I will not leave the country (can’t afford that anyhow) but I will write more stories where Super Holly Hansson and friends punch the crap out of my Trumpy supervillain Money Man (first appearance is in my upcoming short story, The Dimensional Dollar!). In my own small way, I will make Trump’s life a tiny little itty-bitty bit more miserable.
Reason 3: I got to vote for an African American for President. Twice. It delighted me to see racists gnash their teeth. Can’t wait to try to do the same to misogynists.
Prop 51: Yes. I am a sucker for school bonds, and bonds irritate libertarians. A double win.
Prop 52: Yes. Medi-Cal money. I am getting closer to that age. I want my meds stuff. Or I will when I need to start taking some.
Prop 53: No. Try to say no to any bonds unless a super-majority? You’re a libertarian, aren’t you?
Prop 54: YES!!! No secret legislative meeting! Put legislation on the Internet! Record legislative meetings and put them on the Internet! INTERNET! INTERNET!! INTERNET!!! And I wanna it streamed on Netflix too! (Or Hulu, I can live with ads.)
Prop 55: Yes. Continue paying the tax you are paying already to schools and healthcare if you earn over a quarter million a year. I don’t earn that, and if I ever do, I won’t mind paying.
Prop 56: YES!!! I will go out of my way to stick it to those lying liar tobacco companies and make those cancer sticks more expensive. I am sick of tobacco companies calling others “special interests.” If a big bloated business selling a product that kills when used as directed is not a special interest, what is?
Prop 57: Yes. Early parole for non-violent offenders. I am for making a little room in prisons for the violent offenders so when they swing a fist, they will hit iron bars instead of my soft mushy face. The non-violent ones will likely just steal a roll of quarters out of my car or blow stinky pot smoke in my face (cough cough), which is annoying but I can live with it.
Prop 58: Yes. More options for teaching kids English. Teacher associations like this. A few politicians do not. I like teachers better.
Prop 59: Yes. California should say that Citizens United sucks. Fat cats like the Crotch, I mean, Koch Brothers should not call themselves citizens when they use their billions of dollars to steamroll over all the other citizens.
Prop 60. No. Should porn stars wear condoms? I do not watch them, and I am never gonna be one (they have to have SOME standards). Most sensible organizations say no. Only one organization says yes. Prop 60 has really screwy provisions like any Californian can sue and collect damages without having to show that they suffered any harm. Yuck.
Prop 61: YES! As I was typing this very sentence, a TV ad from the Hoover Institution came on and an old business suited fart told me to vote no on 61, so I’m voting YES. California should not pay big fat prices to drug companies. And the ads, THE ADS! Saying veterans will be hurt? This law set the price at veteran prices! Gee, even if a company makes a product that can cure when used as directed, that company can still be a greedy lying liar.
Prop 62: Likely I’ll flip a coin. Death penalty replaced with life without parole. I do not care much. I have been on both sides. I do not like the screaming on both sides that I am a horrible monster if I am not on their side. So for now, I say to BOTH sides, I AM NOT ON YOUR SIDE! (I have to admit, it might appeal to the cheapskate in me. It would save cash. Not sure how much.)
Prop 63: Yes. Take guns out of the hands of some of the violent, crazy, wife-beater people, making it harder for them to kill people. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people? Really? Why do you think violent, crazy, wife-beaters buy guns?
Prop 64: Yes. Even though I think pot smoke stinks and I will never smoke it unless you count secondhand at a concert or poker game, or if I ever get glaucoma and a doctor says that is the best treatment. Tossing pot smokers into jail makes it harder to make jail room for gun-toting, violent, crazy, wife-beaters.
Prop 65: No. Ten-to-one this was put on the ballot by plastic bag companies. We have an area in the Pacific the size of Texas filled with plastic bag shreds. That is quite enough. If plastic bags are so great, why doesn’t the guy who crapped this onto the ballot put one over his head and a rubber band around his neck?
Prop 66: No. Seems to be guys who was FAST FAST FAST electric chairs. If we are to have a death penalty, it should be slow. Just in case.
Prop 67: Yes. Ban single-use plastic bags. Ooo, I’d hafta pay a WHOLE THIN DIME for the plastic bag I do not use? HORRORS! Remember the Texas-size plastic soup in the Pacific Ocean? We should not wait until there is more plastic than plankton. If the oceans go, we go with them.
California Senator: Kamala D. Harris or Loretta L. Sanchez. Leaning toward Harris, she sounded more stable in the debate. And Obama likes her.
14th Congressional District
Jackie Speier. Because she stands up to the meaner Republicans.
Jerry Hill. Incumbent, and democrat. He has not made me mad.
22nd Assembly District
Kevin Mullin. Incumbent, and democrat. He has not made me mad.
Judge of the Superior Court, Office No. 7
Sean Dabel. Only one of the ballot. And his website does not offend me.
Peninsula Health Care District Members, Board of Directors
Frank Pagliaro has credentials that match the job. Ricardo Navarro is an incumbent (but Richard, would you PLEASE provide information for the voter pamphlet next time?!?!?!).
San Mateo County Harbor District, Members, Board of Commissioners, full term
Sabrina Brennan, Tom Mattusch, Virginia Chang Kiraly
Endorsed by the San Mateo Daily Journal. Shawn Mooney does taxes and represents the SF Ferry, and my spider sense is, well, not tingling, but twitching a tiny bit.
San Mateo County Harbor District, Member, Board of Commissioners, short term
Ed Larenas, because he is a scientist who studies the ocean. Brian Rogers is a business guy who studies how marinas can pull in more customers; sorry, Mr. Krabbs, the Harbor District is not for selling Krabby Patties.
County of San Mateo, Measure K
Extend the half-cent sales tax. Yes. $0.005 has not hurt me before.
City of San Mateo, Measure L
Enter into agreement with other agencies to have a Fire Department instead of having a separate one. Yes. Because it had an argument in favor and none opposed, and that usually indicates that it was a good idea everyone agreed upon.
City of San Mateo, Measure Q
Rent regulations of apartment housing. Yes. Because renters need protections, and my spider-sense SCREAMS that the opponents are libertarians.