I saw the Captain Marvel movie. Loved it, of course. But I wondered: who wins in a fight, Carol “Captain Marvel” Danvers or Super Holly Hansson? (When two mightiest-of-the-mighty superheroes meet for the first time, they ALWAYS fight! But why?)
A FEW MILES AWAY FROM SOME CITY IN THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE. A FEW HUNDRED FEET STRAIGHT UP.
Captain Marvel wipes a drop of blood off her lips, thrusts her hands toward heavyweight-boxer-posed Super Holly hovering ten feet in front of her, and photon-blasts Holly’s up-arrow chest-logo! ZZZZAP!!!
Super Holly is knocked back fifty feet. “OW OW OW OW OWWWWW!!! That really STINGS!!!” She flies toward Captain Marvel, punching telekinetic-transparent blue bowling-ball fists onto Captain Marvel’s kisser! POW POW POW POW POW!!!
Captain Marvel says, “OOF OOF OOF OOF OOF!!!” and raises her fists just in time to parry Holly’s super right hook. But not Holly’s left uppercut: BIFF!!! Then Holly and Carol get close and personal.
POW POW POW POW!!! “Take it back, Captain Marbles!”
ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP!!! “I have nothing to take back from you!”
“You know what you said!” PUNCH PUNCH KICK KICK PUNCH!!!
“I did not start this, but I shall end it!” PUNCH PUNCH FEINT HEADBUTT-KERRRRUNCH!!!
“OOOTCH!!!” Holly rubs her beaky nose and smiles with respect. “Good one! Your mommy teach you to fight dirty?”
Captain Marvel aims her glowing hands at Holly’s face. “No, your nose happens to be a big target! And I don’t remember my mother.”
Holly’s smile instantly vanishes. Her lips tremble. She blinks her big, liquid blue eyes. Her voice cracks: “You… you don’t? Nothing at all?”
Captain Marvel takes a closer look. “Holly? Are you crying?”
Holly wipes off a tear. “I lost my mommy and daddy when I was five. My Uncle Pops was a great father figure after that. But I miss my mommy every day. I do everything I can to hold onto the memories. That’s why I wear the strawberry lip gloss.” Another tear goes down Holly’s cheek. “My mommy smelled like strawberries.”
Carol lowers her glowing fists, and the glow fades out. “You poor thing.”
Holly floats closer. “No, you poor thing. You don’t even know what you’re missing.”
They hug. They sob. And they fly to the nearest coffee shop.
A TABLE AT A COFFEE SHOP PATIO.
Carol sips an iced coffee and laughs. “Harry Headbutt sounds like a hoot! We have a big hulking guy too, but he tries to be good. But does that Icy Guy always get the best of you?”
Holly slams down her third iced mocha, licks her lips, and smiles. “Ice Cream Guy. And somehow, he does. That Thanos guy sounds like a real tough customer.” Holly sighs. “Too bad I wasn’t around to help.”
Carol sips her coffee. “I would have welcomed that. In the fisticuff department, you’d have given him a run for his money.”
Holly laughs. “Yeah, it would have been fun to belt him in his big fat mouth right when he starts pontificating about genocidal righteousness. Why didn’t that idiot just double the resources?”
Carol swallows her coffee and cocks her head. “I should have asked him that. But defeating him would take more than super-strength. The power of his Infinity Glove would have been more than a match for you.”
Holly smirks. “Really? Hold up your right hand, kinda like you are about to snap your finger and erase me from existence.”
“Um, okay.” Carol raises her hand and prepares to snap her fingers. Then she smiles wickedly. “And now, with a snap, I shall erase you from—”
“Yoink!” Holly is holding her right hand up, and it is holding Carol’s glove. Holly is smiling wickedly.
Carol looks at her gloveless hand. And back to Holly. “Neat trick.”
Holly tries on the glove. “Hmm, a little small. All I did was right-hand pantomime my telekinesis into your glove, expand it, and yoink off the glove.”
Carol nods and giggles. “I would have loved to see the look on his big purple face.”
Holly hands back Carol’s glove. “Of course, Batman would have beaten Thanos. Batman’s the smart one.”
Carol waves her hand dismissively. “A guy in a bat suit? When there are lives at stake, I’ll fly that plane. Costumed wannabes should stay grounded.”
Steam blasts out Holly’s nose. She stands up, fists cocked and ready! “YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!”
Carol stands up. “I’ll do no such thing! We should leave the battle to us soldiers, not to a guy in a Halloween—” BIFF!!!
Holly has her left hook cocked and ready! “Not so easy insulting my idol with a mouth full of knuckles, is it, Captain Marbles?”
Carol wipes a drop of blood off her lips and raises her glowing fists. “Punch me again, and I’ll put my photon blast in a place it is not supposed to be!”
And the fight is on. Again.