I will be published again soon.

Quick happy note!

Yesterday I got an email from the San Mateo County Fair Literacy Contest. My audio story, “The Intellecta Rhapsody,” won first place in the audiobook division, and my short story, “The Lutefisk Door,” won third place in the scifi/fantasy senior division. Yay, I will be in Carry The Light again! Looks like my Trumpy villain Billington Stumpfinger will be in print soon (in “The Lutefisk Door”, he built some nasty walls to trap Super Holly Hansson).

Book Signing May 13!

Mark your calendar. On May 13, 2017 10am-4pm, at Round Table Pizza, 37480 Fremont Blvd, Fremont, CA, authors from the Fremont Area Writers Group and I will eat pizza and sell books. My book is the Createspace printed version of my superheroine stories, Super Holly Hansson in Super Bad Hair Day! This book comes with a CD containing:

  • ebook files: Kindle, epub, PDF.
  • Super Holly artwork from Batton Lash and other artists.
  • Audio versions of my stories: hear me read with a musical score!

At Round Table on May 13, you can likely see me and the other writers do open mic readings! Eat pizza! Buy books! Have authors sign the books! Watch authors doing readings, or as I call it, open mic opera! And especially, meet local authors, storytellers, and poets.

My audio story, The Malevolent Mystery Meat, is online!

Click the Carry The Light picture to the left, or click here, to hear my audio short story: The Malevolent Mystery Meat! It stars the grade-schoolers Tucker and Wrigley, the two brothers with super doggie powers who save Super Holly Hansson from the evil lunch ladies. Super doggie car chase! Icky mystery meat! Licky doggie tongues! Go, Puppy Brothers, go! BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!

Click here to read the text version, if you like reading along with my dramatic narration. I used the William Tell Overture (royalty free on YouTube) as the background music. Remember The Lone Ranger? Hi yo, puppies, away!

The JMSpodcast is up!

me-jmspodcastMy first time on a podcast, here it is on Soundcloud. I start at 37 minutes 12 seconds, where Jorge introduces me with a Swedish accent. The mics had pop filters. The time went fast. I can learn from Jorge. You can too. www.jmspodcast.com

Maybe I could have been clearer about my Batman guy, Cal Critbert, becoming lots more human after I made him a Roger Ebert type movie critic. I forgot Sarah Kuhn’s name (she wrote Heroine Complex). I insulted Atlas Shrugged’s John Galt, I never get tired of that! I read The Intellecta Rhapsody (01:19:03) and the end of The Malevolent Mystery Meat (01:31:40) (scroll to a little before the Lone Ranger tag in the text).

Aww-some open mics.

audience-awOpen mics uncover good lines.

At one open mic, I performed “The Malevolent Mystery Meat” starring The Puppy Brothers: two grade-school brothers with super puppy powers who save Super Holly from the evil school lunch ladies. I’d read what I’d written: “Tucker bit the door handle and yanked off the door: KA-RUNCH! Near the barrel, Holly was still passed out.” On an impulse, I ad-libbed, “And still pretty.” A young lady in the audience smiled and said, “Aww!” That ad-lib went into the final draft.

At another open mic, I read an upcoming short story where Super Holly had performed her comic book in the children’s ward in a hospital, ending it on a cliffhanger. A little girl in a wheelchair asked Holly to tell her the ending now. Holly said she’d read it next time. The girl said, “I’m not gonna be here next time.” “Aww,” said a young lady in the audience. I knew what Mario Puzo knew when he wrote, “I’ll make him an offer he cannot refuse.”

Kid-sitting one evening for my cousin, his kids asked me to read a Super Holly story. They liked her fighting Billington Stumpfinger. When Holly’s boyfriend Cal kissed her and said, “I love you,” and Holly kissed him back and said, “I love you more,” the kids said, “Ew!” I told this to their mom. She said they just started doing that. I’ll keep that kissing.

Listen to your audience. Small words can mean big reactions.

My 2016 vote

ms-trump-600x856Click here to read how I’ll vote. Especially if you want California proposition advice. But if you have not made up your mind about president yet, regardless of your politics, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? It’s Hillary, Trump, third party, or write-in, you should know by now! This is not advice, but to paraphrase Squidward Tentacles, I would rather tear out my brain stem, drag it to the nearest four-way intersection, and skip rope with it, rather than vote for Donald Trump! I hope my Hillary vote will help make misogynists’ slimy, stinky, squirmy little brains explode the same way racist brains exploded with Obama.

P.S. Unlike Ms. Marvel, Super Holly Hansson would not talk it out. In my short story, The Dimensional Dollar (for an upcoming anthology for the South Bay Writer’s Club), Super Holly punches, wrestles, and head-butts my Trumpy supervillain Money Man in the most vicious fight scene I have ever written.

Ahoy, matey, here be me onomatopoeia!

ARRR!!! I be one day late fer Talk Like A Pirate Day! But I be doin’ it now because, like a pirate, I be breakin’ the rules when I write my action-packed and comic book goofy prose stories! Firstly, I be writing accents into me dialog! Like I be doin’ right now! Secondly, I be using plenty of exclamation points!!!!!!!!! And thirdly, I be writing sound effects words! Why not? They be words on the page, adding sound! YARRRRRR!!! Here be some of me sound effects booty in me Super Bad Hair Day short stories!

Them scallywags Harry Headbutt and Super Holly fight toe-to-toe and scowl-to-scowl, and for every one of Harry’s punches, Holly clobbers him with five! THOOM! POW POW POW POW POW! THOOM!! POW POW POW POW POW!! THOOM!!! POW POW POW POW POW!!!

SHPLLLPTT! A big fat bug hits Super Holly’s face mid-flight!

KERR-RUNCH! SKKKKKTT! Holly accidentally punches a parked car, caving in its driver side door and skidding it onto the sidewalk, good thing she has insurance!

Harry Headbutt be blowin’ a motorcycle-revving super-raspberry: “BBBBBTTTHHHHHPPPPP, BBBPPPP, BBBPPPP, BBBTHHHPPPPPP!” Now that be WET!

Apricot Computer CEO Chris Jobz kisses the evil Karate Queen’s feet: MMM-WAH, MMM-WAH!

BUMP WHUMP BUMPLE THUMP! A beat-up ninja be tumbling onto a stage!

FLOOOFFF! The inky cape of the Intellectual be billowing!

TOK! Holly’s pen bounces off her signing table. KAH-LATTER! And hits the floor. FLUR-FLUFFLE! Followed by some of her comic books.

BTFFFT-KER-SPLLLLLUP! A giant spider web be blanketing all the geeks in the Geek Guy’s comic book shop!

Holly Hansson’s pre-super fist plows into John Glutt’s doughy cheek: SHHPLLLUUUDDD!

YARRRRR, those were FUN to read aloud at open mics!!! I be learning from the masters! Like Stan Lee, who said that the third “O” be, of course, silent in BTK-KA-THOOOM!!!

And Charles Schultz! Linus be throwin’ one snowball at Lucy — WHAP! — and then Lucy be clobberin’ him with five: POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

And the master of mayhem, the prince of percussion, the super scholar of sound effects: Mad Magazine’s Don Martin! (Update: I fixed the link!) Dive yer eyes into the briny deep of this alphabetic list with such shiny doubloons as SHKLIKSA! (clam squirting man in face), or ONNNNNGHK FWEEEEEEEEE (husband snoring) or KACHUNK KACHUNKA KACHUNK KACHUNK (a cake baking machine).

Paste yer peepers below for Don’s sheer genius! ARRR, there be so much more mayhem fer me to learn!!!