big cheer and tiny jeer: Sinister Sugar Rush and Supergirl 4 finale

First, I won first prize in the San Mateo County Fair Literary Arts audio story division with my story, “The Sinister Sugar Rush!” Another Kittygirl story involving evil cupcakes, and two of my favorite villains, the cafeteria lunch ladies (who first appeared in “The Malevolent Mystery Meat”). I will post the audio story online soon. It was fun.

And now, a little jeer. Just a little. I will start by saying I like the Supergirl show. (SPOILER ALERT, sorta,) Season 4 had a great Lex Luthor, the achy-breaky-heartbreak of Supergirl losing her sister, a Russian Supergirl with that kewl accent, Braniac 5 becoming a total badass, and chunks of the public being stomach-churningly Trumpy. It was a fun ride with plenty of rollercoaster up and down. But the finale episode wrapped everything up way too optimistically (optimism is great, I like happy endings, but not so darn FAST! Racists won’t give up their hate just because Kara Danvers published one itty-bitty little article. In my future civil war story, the Stumper characters will be shown irrefutable truth that my villain Stumpfinger is a stupid criminal and a pathological liar (gee, where did I get that idea?) and maybe I will steal from Family Guy and make him “cash poor,” and they will still cling to their racism. Bring on the storm troopers, round up those awful aliens, leopards will never eat my face said the guy who voted for the leopards eating people’s faces party. And Congress invoking the 25th amendment? Nancy Pelosi wouldn’t invoke a parking ticket. She won’t fight the Rethuglican Congress unless she thinks she will win, and that is why she and the old Democrat leaders fail to do the right thing, every frakin’ time. As Snagglepuss told Huckleberry Hound, you don’t fight battles because you think you can win…

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Cal “The Intellectual” Critbert: first artwork! And more Kittygirl!

It was Free Comic Book Day yesterday. At Comics Conspiracy in Sunnyvale, I got two new pieces of artwork!

I asked Dave Law, artist on The Space Odditorium, to draw Super Holly’s boyfriend and soulmate, Cal Critbert. Cal has never been drawn before. I gave Dave a description from my stories: black body armor (built-in six-pack abs), cowl and black cape, the letter I for the chest logo, and Cal’s main power is super intelligence (yes, that is rather vague). I asked Dave to use his artistic sense. Especially with the cowl, I was unsure how to show super intelligence without turning Cal’s head into a goofy balloon (like the Wizard of the early Frightful Four). That circle on the cowl is intriguing! (A manifestation of super-intelligence? A mental antenna?) And that grim glare and spooky posture, Super Holly would LIKE-like that.

Leann Hill drew Kittygirl sassing Thanos. If Thanos had ever hurt Super Holly, Kittygirl would have gone mommy-cat-crazy and would have had Thanos’s Infinity Gauntlet with the hand still inside it. MRRRROWL, HISSSS!!! (I asked for the fangs as well as the claws.)

Story excerpt: Kittygirl vs. evil videogames!

This excerpt is from my third Kittygirl story, which I was not able to present at the last meeting. So I am hoping my critique group will take a look and leave comments. Anyone else is welcome to comment also, but I prefer writers.

(I performed it last night at a Red Rock Coffee open mic. It went over well, but I hav to keep track of my villain voices. I was told John Glutt sounded a bit like Bullwinkle. Actually I think of Simpsons Comic Book Guy.)

WHAT HAS GONE ON BEFORE! At the big super-videogame convention, eight year old Kittygirl played the videogame where you can be Super Holly Hansson, the mightiest superhero on Earth! Then Kittygirl’s hero and B.F.F. Super Holly flew Kittygirl to the kid gaming pavilion, where the other super kids played videogames and told Kittygirl that she missed the election for president of the new super kid club. Super Holly flew to the super gaming castle where all the superheroes were going to introduce a super videogame. Kittygirl found out that she’d left her badge with Super Holly and bounded after her in fifty-foot kitty-leaps. Inside the gaming castle, Kittygirl saw henchmen operating videogames, oh no, a supervillain must be near! And she heard something that made her hair fluff up in fear!

From behind a twenty-foot high wall surrounding the center of the castle came Super Holly’s heroic and ANGRY voice! “Stoppit!” POW! “Oh, you want some too?” WHAM! “I hate the mind-controlled-friends against the hero cliche, I HATE IT!” POW THUD BAM!!!

Kittygirl tippy-toe-quietly ran, LEAPED, and landed feet-first perfect on top of the wall. And what she saw made her claws pop out! MMMROWL!

Men gamers stood on a stage and operated controllers and smiled big and mean like comic book villains! Between the stage and the wall, a great big bunch of supers wearing metal helmets grabbed at Holly! For every one Holly fought off—BIFF! BAM! WHAM! KAPOWIE!!!—three more took their place! Holly growled and kicked and punched and said bad words, good thing Mom wasn’t there.

One of those gamers goggly-eyed stared at Holly as he danced with his game controller. He was tall, skinny, dressed in white, had a big icicle nose… ICE CREAM GUY! Kittygirl crouched for a pounce with a HISSSSSS!

Super Holly’s eyes aimed right at Kittygirl like big blue pleading lasers. Kittygirl was not surprised Holly heard that, they knew every mad/sad/glad sound the other made. Holly shook her head NO. Kittygirl tensed, her claws popped in-out-in-out… but Holly was right. There were way too many supers, Kittygirl would just get caught too. Kittygirl crouched down to hide, and she bit her lip to not cry.

Then Kittygirl stiffened her lips. She couldn’t save her hero, but she could watch and learn that frosty fiend’s evil plan! From the edge of the stage, he operated his controller like a racing car steering wheel as he long-toothy smiled down at Holly. “HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! I have you now, my p-p-p-pretty!”

Holly threw a couple of supers fifty feet and snarled, “You’ll have my fist in your— UMPH!!!” Great big beefy mighty muscle arms had wrapped around Holly from behind. She squirmed and thrashed, she kicked her feet, but she did not break free! Wow, that guy must be STRONG! Holly yelled, “URGH, NO NO NO NO,” looked over her shoulder, and stopped fighting. “Oh no. Not you too, Flex.”

That nice bodybuilder guy with the super-handsome face was not smiling his wonderful smile. He held Holly like he was a human robot.

From a shadowy place on the stage came a conceited, obnoxious, fat-cheeked laugh that made Kittygirl’s neck fur fluff up. “HUH, HUH, HUH!!! You are trapped, foolish female! Every bit of strength you throw at Fred Lexington—”

“Makes him stronger,” Holly said. “I know, I know! Would you please not narrate everything you see?”

Kittygirl swallowed a MMMROWL! Waddling to center stage was her former godfather, JOHN GLUTT! Nearly as wide as he was tall, same tight red supersuit with an A on the chest, same big bushy beard, and same big fat mouth that blabbed on and on and on! “As leader, the joy of monologging belongs to ME! So, before I find your caped and cowled boyfriend who vanished in a puff of smoke when I sprung my trap on these other silly supers, AND just before I convert the mightiest of the supers—namely YOU, Super Holly Hansson!—into my master gaming piece, AND as I will then diabolically gain mastery of every gamer in the world, allow me to introduce what you foolish superheroes should have created but didn’t and I did: a super league! A league of…” He finally took a deep breath, his belly and chest got bigger, and he yelled all that hot air back out again. “Objectificationists! Say hello to Ice—”

Holly interrupted, glaring at Ice Cream Guy. “We’ve met.”

Ice Cream Guy glared at John. “You did not s-s-s-say anything about j-j-j-joining your sexist cult!”

BZZZzzzz… Kittygirl scrunched lower as a drone flew by, smooshing onto the wall like a kitty rug.

A guy in a rumpled lab coat operated two controllers at once. That evil inventor, STEPHAN! He wheezed with a face as rumply as his coat, “Chill out, my frosty friend, you will like how Super Holly will dress for this occasion!”

A couple of pretty super ladies did pretty poses beside Stephan. EW, they were dressed in tiny clothes like that stupid girl in that fast car game.

Super Holly’s face turned red, and Kittygirl guessed not because of Flex’s tight, strength-sucking grip, “I am NOT wearing THAT!”

Stephan threw back his ugly head for his nasty evil laugh. “BEE-YOU, HA HA HA HAAAAA!!! Yes you will! For my turn-people-into-drones drone technology works perfectly!”

Next to Stephan, a teenage guy raised a finger in the air and smiled like the smartest student in class about to correct the teacher for the umpteenth time. “I, Creastly Smusher, must inform you that it is my superior software in your inferior hardware that allows the drones, once they attach themselves to a human cranium, to override the brain and allow said human to be operated like a gaming character. And when said human is super, my software additionally allows said superpowers to be networked—”

John Glutt’s face turned red as his suit. “SHUT UP, CREASTLY!” He turned back to Holly. “As I was expositioning, the combination of my supervillain team’s skills and powers form a perfect plan of brains and might that cannot fail! Women shall learn their proper place!”

Kittygirl heard a loud, dumb, “BRRRRRRAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!! HARRY HATE SWORD LADY GAME!!!”

John turned toward the back of the stage. “Okay, Mr. Muscles, what NOW?!?!”

The wall shook under Kittygirl as—STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!—seven foot tall, five foot wide Harry Headbutt gorilla-walked to John. Kittygirl’s nose squinched at the real Harry’s stinky sweaty tummy. “STUPID CONTROLLER TOO PUNY FOR HARRY’S FINGERS! SEE?!?!” YUCKY, bad breath too!

Harry mushed his fat sausage fingers on the controller. Before the stage, that nice swordlady Teri Silver stumbled left and right, jumped ten feet high, somersaulted, then belly-flopped onto the floor.

BZZZZZZ… With a flick of her claws, Kittygirl silently sliced a drone in half. MROWL, you’re not gonna drone me!

Westley raised his finger and grinned again. “I did inform you that you needed large economy sizes for large lumbering louts.”

John and Stephan and Harry all yelled, “SHUT UP, CREASTLY!” Then John yelled at Stephan, “Make a bigger controller for that lumbering lummox. Pronto!”

Stephan yelled back, “I demand overtime!”

Harry yelled, “HARRY NOT LUMBER!!!”

Holly stared at them with her mouth open. So did Kittygirl. John was a really bad boss. Then Holly bashed her head back and hit Flex’s controlling helmet, YES! But the helmet did not break, NO!

“HUH HUH HUH!” Like a big water balloon, John Glutt wobbled to the edge of the stage to look down his nose at Holly. “Your strength is useless against Flex’s helmet, for like me, my drone helmets—”

Stephan loudly wheezed with a frown, “You mean MY helmets!”

Westley calmly said with a smile, “And my software.”

John said, “SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!” He stomped his foot, sending a ripple up his plump leg that rolled his belly. Then he operated his game controller. “Like me, my drone helmets copy the powers and abilities of whatever super wears them! Like you, my failing female! Have a pretty hat for your puny head! HUH HUH HUH!!!”

Oh no, a drone glommed onto Holly’s head! The lights on it flashed brighter and faster! Holly struggled and screamed, “NOOOOOO!!!”

Kittygirl’s phone went BZZT! Her Mom’s voice blasted from it way too loud! “Katsuko! Where are you? LUNCHTIME!”

Holly’s eyes were so loving. “Sweetie… be bossy… uhhh…” Her brave, pretty face lost all expression!

John Glutt pointed his arm like a fat gun at Kittygirl. “STOP THAT CAT GIRL!”

TO BE CONTINUED!

Recent news

My Kindle book now has the expanded content in the CreateSpace book. It contains:

  • Super Bad Hair Day! (first short story I wrote for Holly)
  • The Poet and the Supersplainer! (The Karate Queen, based on a poetess friend)
  • The Fiendish Brain Freezer! (Kittygirl’s first short story)
  • The Dimensional Dollar! (first appearance of Billington Stumpfinger, my Trumpy supervillain)
  • The Intellecta-Rhapsody! (script of my second audio story)
  • Chapter Zero of The Comic Book Code! (yes, I still have to finish writing the novel)
  • Super Holly artwork drawn by various artists at local comic cons.

At WorldCon, I sold 9 books (if I counted correctly). 10 books if you count the Kindle book I sold. Good times! (I should point out that at that time, my CreateSpace book had a few minor typos which I have since fixed.)

I am working on a Kittygirl trilogy, which I want to publish as a middle-grade book. Problem: I do not know any younger girls for a test audience. I will still keep writing, my critique group told me I was good at “kidspeak.”

Kittygirl’s first sketch!

At the San Francisco Comic Con today, I had Amber Padilla (her Tumblr) draw Kittygirl and Super Holly. That little verbal sparring is in their stories. And yes, I stole Wolverine’s claw sound, Kittygirl can claw through steel also. Amber added Kittygirl’s fannypack (she said it would be like her hero Holly’s) and those cute kittycat shoes. Kittygirl wore kittycat ears the first time she met Holly. I bought a few comics from Amber: Old Man Malo, Sugar Coated, and a little 8-pager: The Rescue. I like how Kittygirl gets on tippy-toe.

Thank you, Amber! You grok Kittygirl!

Had a GREAT open mic last night!

I was at Red Rock Coffee in Mountain View for the Monday open mic, and I read part of my current story starring Kittygirl (Katsuko Kimura, who has super kittycat powers, and who loves Super Holly Hansson, and Super Holly loves Katsuko every bit as much). In this story, an EEEEEVIL villain, whose voice I based on Simon Bar Sinister (I love doing his evil laugh!), hit Super Holly with a time gun and turned her into an eight year old girl. Holly did not have superpowers at that age, but she was still a spitfire and proved it by breaking the villain’s nose with one punch.

Anyway. The crowd really loved the reading, I got laughs (like when Little Holly did a taunting Cyrano-type speech to distract a big-nosed, gun-toting henchwoman), and appreciative cheers (like “Ooo!” when Kittygirl knocked out said henchwoman).

When the open mic ended, I thanked a few guys at a nearby table for being a great audience. One guy said he would by recording of my stories, so I guess I should put some on sale someday. They asked me about the sound effects in my reading, like echoing. Turns out the sound guy added sound effects to my reading: echoing voice and the like. I thanked him too. And a lady gave me a quick drawing she did of Kittygirl. Actually, I do not envision Kittygirl with a tail or kitty ears, but it was nice of her to draw Kittygirl. (I have thought about giving Kittygirl slightly pointy, elf-like ears.)

I am a writer, and I am a performer. Expect more audio files. I love open mics!

P.S. At a writer gathering this evening, one of the writers read a pirate character, and did a great job. He said I had inspired him with my readings. I think I want a pirate-type character in a Super Holly story. Not sure about hero or villain, or even male or female. But I love reading pirate characters, like I did for Sulu’s Gay Trek.