In a super-fight, who wins?

Which super-strong superheroes would win in a fight with Super Holly? Superheroes fight a lot when they first meet. I am assuming that neither Holly or her fighting partner is under evil mind control, else the one not under control wins.

 

Wonder Woman: WW wins. Diana has many decades of warrior training, she HAS to win!

Supergirl: Probably Holly, provided that incarnation of kryptonians does not have them pushing planets out of their orbits. Holly is a better hand-to-hand fighter, and she is older and tougher, but she would feel awful about fighting a young girl.

Superman: Superman wins. Why? Because he’s Superman.

Power Girl: They would fight, but verbally.

Power Girl (pointing to Holly’s chest): “Copycat!”

Super Holly (pointing to Power Girl’s chest): “Get a logo!”

Thor: Thor would call it a draw once Holly picks up the hammer. She is worthy, although she does not think so. She would give it right back to Thor, of course. She has issues with being called a goddess: them’s fightin’ words, and that would likely be the cause of the fight in the first place.

The Hulk (Bruce Banner / Hulk Smash version): The fight would go like this:

“HULK SMASH YELLOW HAIR!” Big green fists hit Holly: THOOM BAM BOOOOOM!!!

Holly staggers. “OUCH! Oh yeah? Well, Holly smash you in the schnoz!” Super boxing fists belt Hulk’s nose: POW POW POW POW POW!!!

The Hulk staggers. “OW! YELLOW HAIR HIT HARD! LIKE STUPID ARMY GUNS FROM STUPID ARMY MEN THAT ALWAYS HOUND HULK! MAKE HULK MAD!!!” The Hulk raises his fist.

Holly grabs that big green fist with her super-strong blue telekinetic fist. “Tell me about it! Stupid paparazzi hound me! They zoom stupid telephoto lenses on my chest, and when that gets on the six o’clock news, supervillains laugh at me for days! I HATE THAT!!!”

The Hulk lowers his fists. “YELLOW HAIR HOUNDED TOO?”

Super Holly lowers her fists. “Yeah.”

The Hulk says, “HULK NOT MAD ANYMORE. YELLOW HAIR KNOW HOW HULK FEEL.”

Holly smiles and holds his hand. “Poor thing. Wanna talk about it over coffee?” Holly flies the Hulk to the nearest coffee shop, where they quaff gallons of iced mochas and talk and laugh and Tony Stark pays the bill because the Hulk does not have a wallet, and because Super Holly’s cash, not being from the Marvel Universe, would not be legal tender.

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Superheroine defined by superhero, and my sexist spell checker

I have attended a couple of comic/sci-fi con panels about superheroines. The ladies on the panels point out how so many superheroines are defined in their relationship to superheroes.

  • Ant-Man and the Wasp. They both shrink. She stings, he grows. Her powers come from his technology.
  • Superman and Supergirl. She used to be his secret weapon. Her powers come from his planet’s DNA.
  • Batman and Batgirl. Same bat-costume, same bat-utility belt, lots less bat-grittiness.
  • Hulk and She-Hulk. Her powers came from his blood. Except she is also a lawyer, a superpower if there ever was one.

My characters Super Holly and Cal the Intellectual? He is largely defined by her. (In fact, I seem to use Cal to show Holly’s flaws and quirks.) She’s Superman with anger issues, he is Batman with Mr. Spock’s mind. In my early drafts, Cal was always by Holly’s side, always guiding and teaching. It took my putting some Roger Ebert into Cal for him to become more independent. Cal really needed a day job. In my latest story, I loved putting movie references into his internal dialog.

P.S. My sexist spellchecker wants to turn “superheroine” into “super heroine.” But it leaves “superhero” alone.

P.P.S. I went to APE comic con in San Jose this weekend. Enjoyed it. Bought stuff. Met people I know and like again. Met some new people. Should give me more to blog about.

Some Like It Hulk!

With a few friends, I saw Avengers: Age of Ultron. IN STYLE! 3D at the Century in Mountain View, in big plush reclining chairs. Where I put my feet up, laid back, drank cherry coke and munched popcorn and geeked out. Life was good.

As to the little Black Widow controversy (SPOILER ALERT! Read no further unless you want a little bit of the movie revealed!), I thought it was very logical that Bruce Banner (Hulk) and Black Widow (Natalia) would be drawn to each other. Two damaged people who have left lots of destruction in their wakes. Bruce: unable to have relations without Hulking out. Natalia: unable to have children, thanks to her nasty former handlers. It was a touching scene when she told Bruce about her past (and fie upon those who hate that scene, grow a heart already).

You know what? After this movie, I am convinced Black Widow deserves her own movie. Even though it would likely be dark and gritty, considering her past. I can always floss my teeth after the movie.

But I kept thinking of the ending of Some Like It Hot, which I rewrite below for when Bruce, well …

Natalia: Okay, you have the other guy under control. But we still can’t get married.
Bruce: Why not?
Natalia: Well, in the first place, I’m not a natural born citizen.
Bruce: Doesn’t matter.
Natalia: I beat up guys! I beat them up all the time!
Bruce: I don’t care.
Natalia: I have a terrible past. For years, I was an enemy spy, and worse.
Bruce: I forgive you.
Natalia: I can never have children!
Bruce: We can adopt some.
Natalia: But you don’t understand, I’m a Black Widow! [throws Bruce across the room for emphasis] An unstoppable, unapologetic engine of destruction!
Bruce: [gets up, Hulks out, tears off his shirt, and smiles] WELL, NOBODY PERFECT!