At my critique group last Saturday, one writer said that my latest piece (part 2 of The Criminal Cupid, that she was not always sure who to root for, and that I seemed to be gong after the left-wing side. Yeah, that was intentional. The POV character is Bennie the Rubber Cop, who is showing Holly the ropes of police work. I don’t want to show ideology, but a cop mentality. The law vs. morality. And I need a few more wisecracks. (You know, I should riff on that taxpayer line.)
I wanted a teen girl villain who tries to be a Robin Hood type to contrast against Billington Stumpfinger (Donald Trump type), and who would show the differences between Holly and Bennie in what is right and wrong. I was drawing on Law & Order’s Lennie Briscoe for Bennie, and for the arrow girl, I was thinking of misguided and annoying liberal types (other than myself), afraid to think without an ideology and spout Errol Flynn movie lines mixed with old 1960s protest/hippie lingo. Maybe I was thinking of the couple of communists I met in college. One actually said that because capitalism must exploit the masses (how about proof of that?), communism must be a better system (how’d you pole vault to that with no evidence?). Super Holly, at one point, does not want to stop the arrow girl from steading from Stumpy and giving to the poor, whereas Bennie wants to stop her from causing a riot. It is fun to take shots at both sides, and I figure Bennie, as a cop, would want more law and order and less political ideology. I wish I could talk to a few cops about this.
I thought this would be a short post. This is why I do not tweet.
My money-eating, Trump-inspired supervillain, Billington Stumpfinger, has given my novel storylines a much-needed kick in the butt. I was gonna go easy on the not-always-nice Amurricans. But they elected a bully. So how about those sexists/racists/other-rotten-ists are conned into electing Stumpfinger president and he fills the White House with supervillains! This is likely to be in the story I’ve wanted to write for a long time: civil war with a cowboy theme! Except this time, the rebels will be the good guys. I think. Sort of. I got outlining to do! (It’ll be fun! The main con man, Flim Flam Shrub, will be a combination of Davros and J.R. Ewing. But I got so much more writing to lead up to that, and real life moves faster. Sigh.)
I was gonna do a vampire/werewolf/Frankenstein’s monster novel. Now, I think more of a novella. Who needs monsters in books when we got them in the White House?
My Donald-Trump-based villain, Billingtons Stumpfinger, needs an evil laugh. The problem is that Trump does not laugh. Google “trump laughing” if you don’t believe me. It’s creepy. (What a surprise.)
I write laughs for my supervillains that fit their characters. Harry Headbutt, the dumb, bullying hulk based on the DaVinci Code cop, has an in-your-face bellow: “BUH-WAH HAW HAW! HARRY ROB BANK, BUY STEAK DINNER, AND NOT LEAVE TIP!” Ice Cream Guy, who has the goofiest superpower of all time, has a chilly, shivering laugh: “HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! My p-p-p-power is that over all things ice cream!” Bunni Bubblez, the short, super-sexy, mind-controlling bimbo and Super Holly Hansson’s archenemy: “Tee hee! *Giggle!* Tee hee! Now, my boobytized super soldier slaves, smoosh Super Holly with your big strong super muscles, just like you did to those battleships! *Giggle!*”
So what would be the sound of a Stumpfinger laugh? I’ll put my onomatopoeia to work on it. Something rude, loud, interrupting, kinda dumb, maybe cash related.
A writer often searches for just the right word. Or name.
According to wikipedia, cartoonist Al Capp (Li’l Abner) liked to give his incidental characters names that rendered further description unnecessary. I want that for my Donald-Trump-esque supervillain. To repeat myself from a previous post, he eats money to gain superpower.
Here is my current list. I like the first one the most.
P.S. On a Selected Shorts reading of John Updike’s The Egg Race, the awful name “Ferguson” belted my ears so many times that I turned off the radio. Say it five times and your tongue will cramp. I wish John had looked further.
I can write (and maybe sell) more stories where my superheroine Holly Hansson battles Money Man, my Trump-based supervillain. He eats money: the larger the denomination, the more powerful he gets. One idea: put Trump’s grabby misogyny into Money Man instead of just greed and a dash of racism. Another idea: Money Man’s wife can be a beautiful android or Martian, and likely the brains of the outfit because Money Man is dumb. In the comics, Martians (and perhaps sexbots) aren’t. (Hmm, I might have to tweak Money Man’s name if it is in use.)
Trump and his rallies remind of this scene in I, Claudius. Except Trump is more vocal than Sejanus (a young Patrick Stewart!) when his rallies get punchy.
Click here to read how I’ll vote. Especially if you want California proposition advice. But if you have not made up your mind about president yet, regardless of your politics, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? It’s Hillary, Trump, third party, or write-in, you should know by now! This is not advice, but to paraphrase Squidward Tentacles, I would rather tear out my brain stem, drag it to the nearest four-way intersection, and skip rope with it, rather than vote for Donald Trump! I hope my Hillary vote will help make misogynists’ slimy, stinky, squirmy little brains explode the same way racist brains exploded with Obama.
Super Holly Hansson has punched, headbutted, crotch-kicked, and telekinetically tongue-clobbered villains. When a supervillain leaped into her body and possessed it, she punched herself black and blue, and then broke her own nose and one of her fingers to convince him that her body was NOT for rent! Holly has a short fuse, and she HATES bullies.
And after Holly belts him in his big fat mouth while properly controlling her super-strength to just spilt both his lips and loosen half his teeth. (Drawn by Matt Hebb, artist for Harry Walton, Henchman for Hire.)
Would Donald take Holly to court? Or would he say he ran into a door because he could not admit that, as Holly would put it, he “got beat up by a girl!”