A movie story idea for Black Widow

Okay, ideas are a dime a dozen. But I still offer the Marvel movie franchise a story that would be perfect for Black Widow. And the beauty of it is that Marvel already owns the story.

In 1989, Marvel Comics published The Agent. Written by James Hudnall, it is the story of Rick Mason, freelance spy, and his battle against supervillains taking over South American countries. I loved its James Bond dialog, spy action, and a non-super hero who defeats supervillains with his brains, skills, toughness, and wisecracks: I do have a superpower. I’ve got the power to make you wish we never met.

Black Widow was born to be in a spy movie kicking supervillain butt. All The Agent story will take is one little protagonist gender flip. I know screenwriter Jac Schaeffer does not need my help, and I am glad the screenwriter is a woman, but I have wanted to toss this idea out there for years. So now I did. So there.

P.S. Please do not do an Electra-type movie. Nobody likes CGI ninjas. Nobody.

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Figuring Out Female Action Figures

rey-letter-eight-year-oldAn eight year old girl (same age as my Kittygirl character) wrote this letter to Hasbro about their Monopoly Star Wars game. After a Twitter storm, Hasbro will add a Rey figure. Adding a main character, what a concept!

But can little girls find Avengers Black Widow dolls? Guardians of the Galaxy Gamora dolls? Do those dolls have pretzel-bendy spines? Don’t get me started on Merida, the archer girl in Brave, who became a Barbie-skinny doll stuffed into a tight princess party dress, which she HATED in her movie.

What if Super Holly Hansson is ever dollified? Certainly they’d keep Holly’s triple-Ds, but would they keep her beaky, Roman nose? Barbie skinny or She-Hulk strong? Will Holly’s grimace growl, “You afraid of getting beat up by a girl?” Or will her grin giggle, “I’m going to the ball!”

P.S. To you butt-heads who snidely snarked that an eight year old girl could never have written that note: you got proof of that? You got hidden cameras in her house? (Ew, pervy.) Picking on a little girl goes beyond obnoxious and into poisonous nausea. You are villains whom Kittygirl would beat up and NOT say she is sorry afterwards. You FAILED to crush an eight year old girl! OOOOOOHHH, YOU FAILED!!!! As said on Regular Show (start at 0:34)…

power-girl-statue-dc-cover-girlP.P.S. What action figure do I own? Power Girl! I loved Amanda Conner’s Power Girl run in the comics, I loved the Harley Quinn / Power Girl crossovers, and I admit Super Holly would tear my head off if I ever tried to stuff her into Power Girl’s costume.

Some Like It Hulk!

With a few friends, I saw Avengers: Age of Ultron. IN STYLE! 3D at the Century in Mountain View, in big plush reclining chairs. Where I put my feet up, laid back, drank cherry coke and munched popcorn and geeked out. Life was good.

As to the little Black Widow controversy (SPOILER ALERT! Read no further unless you want a little bit of the movie revealed!), I thought it was very logical that Bruce Banner (Hulk) and Black Widow (Natalia) would be drawn to each other. Two damaged people who have left lots of destruction in their wakes. Bruce: unable to have relations without Hulking out. Natalia: unable to have children, thanks to her nasty former handlers. It was a touching scene when she told Bruce about her past (and fie upon those who hate that scene, grow a heart already).

You know what? After this movie, I am convinced Black Widow deserves her own movie. Even though it would likely be dark and gritty, considering her past. I can always floss my teeth after the movie.

But I kept thinking of the ending of Some Like It Hot, which I rewrite below for when Bruce, well …

Natalia: Okay, you have the other guy under control. But we still can’t get married.
Bruce: Why not?
Natalia: Well, in the first place, I’m not a natural born citizen.
Bruce: Doesn’t matter.
Natalia: I beat up guys! I beat them up all the time!
Bruce: I don’t care.
Natalia: I have a terrible past. For years, I was an enemy spy, and worse.
Bruce: I forgive you.
Natalia: I can never have children!
Bruce: We can adopt some.
Natalia: But you don’t understand, I’m a Black Widow! [throws Bruce across the room for emphasis] An unstoppable, unapologetic engine of destruction!
Bruce: [gets up, Hulks out, tears off his shirt, and smiles] WELL, NOBODY PERFECT!