My Spongebob Fanfic: Squidburp

Some years ago, I wrote this little screenplay for Script Frenzy. I even sent it to Nickelodeon, but they did not pick it up. So I share it here. Enjoy. (No, I do not own these characters, Nickelodeon does, this is a fanfic!)

P.S. I have read this many times out loud (I do that well, I do open mics), and it times at 11 minutes. I think Nick ought to give it another look.

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

“SQUIDBURP”

FADE IN:

INT. SQUIDWARD’S BEDROOM – DAY

SQUIDWARD Tentacles is dusting his mostly empty trophy case. SQUIDWARD stops dusting, looks at the contents of the case, and sighs sadly.

SQUIDWARD

Someday, you will show the world that I am … number one.

CUT TO: The trophy case showing that the case has a few tiny trophies: 3rd, 4th, and 5th place, and honorable mention.

(Sound) (O.S.)

BURP!

The scenery shakes, and the trophy case falls over.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD growls and looks toward his window.

ZOOM TO: SQUIDWARD’s window, through which we see SQUIDWARD’s front yard, where SPONGEBOB Squarepants and PATRICK Star are standing and facing each other. Each is holding a bottle of soda pop.

CUT TO: CLOSEUP of SPONGEBOB. He takes a drink from his bottle, then he burps and laughs.

SPONGEBOB

Burp! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

CUT TO: CLOSEUP of PATRICK taking a drink from his bottle, then burps and laughs. The scenery shakes again when he burps.

PATRICK

BURP! HUH HUH HUH! HUH HUH HUH!

CAMERA BACKS OFF to show SPONGEBOB and PATRICK in SQUIDWARD’s front yard. SQUIDWARD stomps up to stand between them. He furiously glares at them.

SQUIDWARD

What are you two morons doing?

SPONGEBOB holds up his bottle of soda pop for SQUIDWARD to see. SPONGEBOB’s face and voice are pure innocence.

SPONGEBOB

Drinking Burpie Pop.

CUT TO: CLOSE-UP of bottle. The label shows the words BURPIE POP with a big-mouthed burping head below.

CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF SQUIDWARD’S face in profile, showing his exasperated contempt at seeing the label. PATRICK, drinking from his bottle, pushes his face up to SQUIDWARD’s, then takes the bottle out of his mouth with a “THORK!”

(Sound)

THORK!

PATRICK smiles huge and excited.

PATRICK

And …

(dialogue is burped)

BBBBUUURRRPPPIIIINNNNGGGG!

The burp blows into SQUIDWARD’S face, flapping it like a water balloon in a hurricane.

CAMERA BACKS OFF revealing happy PATRICK and SPONGEBOB, and furious SQUIDWARD standing between them.

SQUIDWARD

Well, you idiots knocked over my trophy case!

PATRICK

Is there a first place trophy in it yet?

SQUIDWARD

(taken aback)

Well, no.

(gets mad again)

But that’s not the point! Stop burping in my front yard! Burping is disgusting, abhorrent, irreverent, and totally … cough, cough …

PATRICK, seeing SQUIDWARD coughing, helpfully hands SQUIDWARD his bottle of Burpie Pop.

PATRICK

Here.

Without thinking, SQUIDWARD takes the bottle and takes a big swallow out of it.

SQUIDWARD

Thanks. To continue, burping is totally …

SQUIDWARD’s face grows apprehensive. He looks down. A rumbling sound starts.

(Sound)

Rumble, rumble …

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD’S tummy: it is shaking and rumbling. The sound of the rumbling is getting louder.

CUT TO SQUIDWARD’S face. He looks worried.

SQUIDWARD

Not again! BUUUUUUURRRRRPPPPP …

SQUIDWARD mouth enormously opens and he burps a hurricane of a burp, easily dwarfing PATRICK’S burp. While the noise of the burp continues …

CUT TO: Parked boats rocking, some blown over, some screaming with car alarms.

CUT TO: A street with fish/townspeople being blown about.

CUT TO: The devil sitting on his throne in his unearthly kingdom. He is sipping a cup of tea, and the sound of the burp makes him spill it.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD, SPONGEBOB, and PATRICK. SQUIDWARD finishes the burp with a breathless gasp. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK are in jaw-hanging utter awe. SPONGEBOB hops up and down excitedly in a circle around SQUIDWARD, babbling fast.

SPONGEBOB

That … was … great! Great! Great! Great! Great! Great!

An annoyed SQUIDWARD grabs SPONGEBOB by his lips. That grab makes SPONGEBOB’s lips stop babbling.

SQUIDWARD

Please stop doing that.

SQUIDWARD lets go of SPONGEBOB’s lips.

CAMERA BACKS OFF or PANS to show PATRICK, standing still in open-mouthed wide-eyed awe of SQUIDWARD.

PATRICK

Wow. That was the best … burp … EVER!

SQUIDWARD looks at PATRICK.

SQUIDWARD

It’s disgusting. I haven’t burped like that since …

SQUIDWARD assumes a thoughtful remembering pose.

SCENERY CHANGE as in FLASHBACK: the scene ripples and flashback music plays for a second while the background changes to a schoolyard, and adult SQUIDWARD changes to SQUIDWARD as a little boy. Where PATRICK was standing in the previous scene, SQUILLIAN Fancyson — also a little boy — is now standing. SQUILLIAN is gloating at SQUIDWARD with snooty contempt. Other kids — friends of SQUILLIAN — are gathered by SQUILLIAN’s side, enjoying the show.

SQUILLIAN (as a boy)

I won first place trophies for the spelling bee, the 50-yard dash, the screenplay contest, and the most-cutting-insult-aimed-at-a-LOSER competition! What have you won, LOSER?

SQUIDWARD (As a boy)

I’ll win first place one of these days, Squillian Fancyson! I’ll … cough … cough …

A kid hands SQUIDWARD a bottle of Burpie Pop.

KID

Here.

SQUIDWARD takes the bottle.

SQUIDWARD

Thanks.

SQUIDWARD takes a drink. Then his tummy rumbles and he burps.

(Sound)

Rumble, rumble …

SQUIDWARD

Burp!

The force of the burp blows SQUILLIAN and his friends out of frame. Then a grown up (present day) PATRICK steps to where SQUILLIAN was, looking at SQUIDWARD in wide-eyed open-mouthed awe.

PATRICK

Wow.

SCENERY CHANGE, the background ripples, flashback music plays, back to present. PATRICK remains the same as in the flashback: staring at SQUIDWARD in open-mouthed awe. SQUIDWARD is now grown up again. He give PATRICK an annoyed look.

SQUIDWARD

Stay out of my flashbacks.

SQUIDWARD turns away from SPONGEBOB and PATRICK and walks away to the left. The camera follows SQUIDWARD as SPONGEBOB and PATRICK go out of the right frame, behind SQUIDWARD. Then the camera, still following SQUIDWARD, shows SPONGEBOB and PATRICK coming into view on the left frame. They are standing together in front of SQUIDWARD, and SQUIDWARD bumps into them. SPONGEBOB and PATRICK speak to SQUIDWARD in unison.

SPONGEBOB and PATRICK

You gotta join the Burping Games!

SQUIDWARD

The what?

PATRICK points off-frame. SQUIDWARD looks to where he points.

PAN (OR CUT) TO: Where PATRICK is pointing. A huge stadium nearby with a huge sign on it: “BURPIE POP PRESENTS: THE BURPING GAMES!” Burps emanate from within.

(SOUND)

Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp.

CUT TO SQUIDWARD and PATRICK and SPONGEBOB. SQUIDWARD is still looking at where PATRICK pointed.

SQUIDWARD

When did that get there?

SPONGEBOB

(to SQUIDWARD)

So when you gonna sign up?

SQUIDWARD

I am not joining anything to do with burping!

SQUILLIAN steps into frame, stands in front of SQUIDWARD, and looks at SQUIDWARD with his usual happy snooty contempt.

SQUILLIAN

Well, Squiddy, I thought I heard a loser burping somewhere, and here you are! Don’t bother entering those Games. You won’t win first prize there, or ANYWHERE!

SQUIDWARD growls a moment as though he is about to explode with rage, then he stops, then he snarls his next line.

SQUIDWARD

I am not entering any disgusting burping contest!

SQUILLIAN

So you are too squeamish to compete at the one thing you are good at? That’s rich! I have been getting first prize trophies at the Burping Games for the past nine years! Like this!

SQUILLIAN reaches behind his back, pulls out a huge golden gleaming trophy, and shows it to SQUIDWARD. The trophy is a beautiful goddess type on a pedestal. She is shaking her fist at the heavens, her mouth open for a huge burp. The trophy’s base says “First Prize.”

(SOUND)

Lady choir singing an angelic chord, or something similar.

CUT TO: CLOSEUP of SQUIDWARD, SPONGEBOB, and PATRICK looking awestruck at the sight of the trophy.

SQUIDWARD

I … want … one.

CUT TO: SQUILLIAN smiling snidely at SQUIDWARD.

SQUILLIAN

You can’t enter the Burping Games without a coach! And …

SQUILLIAN leans into SQUIDWARD’s face. Their noses smash together and honk.

(SOUND)

(Noses honk.)

SQUILLIAN

… losers don’t have coaches!

CAMEAR BACKS OFF to reveal SQUILLIAN and SQUIDWARD face-to-face, and PATRICK behind SQUIDWARD. SQUILLIAN laughs, turns around, and walks off frame with the trophy. SQUIDWARD turns to PATRICK.

SQUIDWARD

Patrick. You are the most disgusting person I know. You make noises that nauseate the toughest guys in town.

PATRICK

(laughs first)

Ha ha! Yeah!

(The following burp is really loud and disgusting!)

BURP!

CUT TO: A TOUGH GUY beating up everyone in a rough bar. Then he hears PATRICK’S disgusting burp. He slaps his hand over his mouth, his cheeks and eyes bulge, he grabs a bucket and shoves it over his face.

TOUGH GUY

BARF!

CUT TO: CLOSE-UP of PATRICK smiling at SQUIDWARD. SQUIDWARD is frowning at PATRICK.

SQUIDWARD

Will you be my coach?

PATRICK puts on a coach’s cap (it might say COACH on it, or it can just be a baseball cap). His face gets deadly serious.

PATRICK

You’re gonna burp THUNDER!

SPONGEBOB poses like an excited cheerleader.

SPONGEBOB

Go Squidward!

(MUSIC)

Rocky Balboa training music. Continues until stopped.

INT – SQUIDWARD’S kitchen. PATRICK is dressed in his usual flowered shorts, and also a sweatshirt and the coach’s cap. His face is deadly serious. He quickly pours two bottles of Burpie Pop into a blender, and adds a couple of raw eggs and anything else good for a laugh. PATRICK turns on the blender, making a big foamy mess.

(SOUND)

(Blender buzzing.)

PATRICK turns off the blender and hands the blender jar to SQUIDWARD. SQUIDWARD makes a face, but drinks it all. SQUIDWARD burps.

SQUIDWARD

BURP!

EXT – SQUIDWARD’S front yard and house. Every window and the door of the house blow out from the burp.

EXT – SQUIDWARD is on a stage, PATRICK is holding a copy of a thick dictionary. SQUIDWARD takes a huge drink of Burpie Pop. He takes an enormous breath, distending his stomach and chest tremendously. Then he begins burping the words from the dictionary.

SQUIDWARD

(spoken as a continuous burp)

A … aardvark … aardwolf …

EXT – A gym. SQUIDWARD is doing burping push-ups. He does this by keeping his body as stiff as a board and facing the ground. His hands are behind his back. As the head-end of SQUIDWARD’S body tilts to the ground, SQUIDWARD burps, propelling his body up a couple feet (his toes stay on the ground, like his stiff body is hinged to the ground at that point). Oh, PATRICK is standing on SQUIDWARD’s back, his arms crossed, looking serious.

SQUIDWARD

Burp … burp … burp …

EXT: SQUIDWARD’s front yard. SQUIDWARD is chasing SPONGEBOB in a circle around PATRICK (okay, this is a reference to Rocky II). SPONGEBOB is dressed in a chicken suit and making chicken sounds. SQUIDWARD is burping at SPONGEBOB, but missing.

SQUIDWARD

Burp, burp, burp …

SPONGEBOB

Cluck, cluck, cluck …

SQUIDWARD’s burps make little explosive holes in the ground. Finally SQUIDWARD hits SPONGEBOB with a burp, and SPONGEBOB is encased in an explosive cloud.

(SOUND)

Boom!

When the dust clears, SPONGEBOB looks like a roasted chicken. SQUIDWARD does a Rocky Balboa type victory dance. SPONGEBOB/roasted chicken laughs the usual SPONGEBOB laugh.

SPONGEBOB (as roasted chicken)

Ha ha ha ha ha …

EXT – SQUIDWARD is on stage, PATRICK is holding the dictionary, now open to the last page. SQUIDWARD’s chest and stomach are very skinny, looking like he is squeezing out the very last few molecules of air. SQUIDWARD burps the last words in the dictionary.

SQUIDWARD

(spoken as last bit of a burp)

Zymurgy … Zyrian … ZZZ …

(MUSIC)

Rocky Balboa training-type music stops.

SQUIDWARD wheezes, looks exhausted, and sways. PATRICK runs to catch him, but SQUIDWARD raises his hand to stop PATRICK. SQUIDWARD stands up again, looking very tough. PATRICK closes the dictionary with a loud thump, his face and voice are deadly serious.

(SOUND)

THUMP!

PATRICK

You are ready.

EXT – An announcer’s booth at the Burping Games stadium. The announcer, probably the realistic fish head, is speaking.

ANNOUNCER

Welcome everyone, to the tenth annual Burping Games! Sponsored by … Burpie Pop!

CUT TO: A smiling kid is standing next to his mom, both looking into the camera. The kid is drinking from a bottle of Burpie Pop. We hear kids off-camera singing.

OFF-CAMERA KID SINGERS

When ya wanna burp, drink Burpie Pop! Makes mom’s heart go pound, pound, POP!

The kid lowers the bottle and burps real loud.

KID

Burp!

His mom gets a pained look on her face and plops down in a dead faint. The kid smiles.

KID

It’s the burpiest!

CUT TO: Big guys drinking Burpie Pop and burping. The big guys have coaches next to them; the coaches are smaller but tough-looking. Some coaches hold thick boards in front of some of the big guys, and the big guys burp at the boards, breaking them.

BIG GUYS

BURP!

(SOUND)

CRACK! (the boards crack)

Some big guys are face to face, snarlingly burping at each other. The big guys are wearing leashes, with coaches tugging at the leashes like they are holding back angry dogs.

BIG GUYS

Burp burp burp! Grr grr grr!

COACHES

Heel! Heel! Heel!

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD and PATRICK. SQUIDWARD looks apprehensive.

SQUIDWARD

What have I gotten myself into?

SQUILLIAN, wearing a sweatsuit, enters from off-frame. He steps up to SQUIDWARD, again SQULLIAN is his usual snotty self.

SQUILLIAN

You actually had the nerve to show up! So you could LOSE in person! (laughs)

SQUIDWARD glares at SQUILLIAN.

SQUIDWARD

I might not win, but I am not losing to YOU!

SQUILLIAN is amused and surprised.

SQUILLIAN

ME?!?! Did you actually think that I was one of these rude, uncouth burpers? I am a coach. Here comes my burper! He gives me all his first place trophies, he just likes to burp!

A HUGE FAT GUY guy wearing a leash steps up to stand next to SQUILLIAN. His footsteps are earth-shaking loud. The HUGE FAT GUY looks down at SQUIDWARD, breathing heavily on him.

HUGE FAT GUY

(stomping footsteps, then heavy breathing)

The breathing is like a big puffing wind on SQUIDWARD’s face. SQUIDWARD is flabbergasted. PATRICK steps between the HUGE FAT GUY and SQUIDWARD, facing the HUGE FAT GUY.

PATRICK

Save it for the race.

The HUGE FAT GUY backs off. SQUILLIAN tugs on the HUGE FAT GUY’s leash.

SQUILLIAN

See you in loser town, Squiddy! (laughs)

SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY walk off frame.

SQUIDWARD is still flabbergasted. PATRICK grabs SQUIDWARD by the shoulders and shakes him.

PATRICK

Squidward. Squidward!

SQUIDWARD grabs PATRICK by the shoulders. SQUIDWARD looks tough. CAMERA ZOOMS to their heads.

SQUIDWARD

Bring ’em on.

PATRICK smiles wickedly.

(MUSIC)

Some type of tough competition music. Continues until stopped.

CUT TO: A big guy on the gaming field stuffs a baseball-size rock into this mouth, and burps it out.

BIG GUY

Burp!

CUT TO: Rock lands with a thump after flying about 50 yards, and a guy in the field marks or measures it. The crowd cheers.

(SOUND)

Thump! (when rock lands)

CROWD

(cheers)

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD stuffs a rock into his mouth and burps it out.

SQUIDWARD

Burp!

CUT TO: The rock flies into and hits the scoreboard, the scoreboard sparks and flashes like fireworks.

(SOUND)

(fireworks sounds)

CROWD

(cheers louder)

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD crosses his arms and smiles.

CUT TO: The HUGE FAT GUY stands on one side of a brick wall, ANOTHER BIG GUY on the other side of the wall. They both burp at the wall simultaneously. The wall tips over to flatten the other big guy. The HUGE FAT GUY raises his arms victoriously. The crowd cheers.

HUGE FAT GUY and ANOTHER BIG GUY

Burp! Burp!

(SOUND)

Thump.

CROWD

(cheers)

CUT TO: A skeet shooter blasts three rocks across the sky. SQUIDWARD burps three times at the rocks, the burps coming out as three balls of air (well, water actually) hurtling toward the rocks.

SQUIDWARD

Burp! Burp! Burp!

CUT TO: The rocks being destroyed by SQUIDWARD’s burps.

(SOUND)

Crack! Crack! Crack!

CUT TO: The HUGE FAT GUY standing at one end of a bowling alley lane. He burps. The burp comes out as a huge ball of burpy air (yes, I am going to call it air).

HUGE FAT GUY

Burp!

CUT TO: A bunch of big guys standing in bowling pin formation at the other end of the alley lane are knocked over by THE HUGE FAT GUY’s burpy air ball.

(SOUND)

Bowling pins hit by bowling ball sound.

CUT TO: several alternating quick cuts of SQUIDWARD, then the HUGE FAT GUY, burping louder and louder and louder.

SQUIDWARD and HUGE FAT GUY

Burp! Burp! Burp! Burp! Burp!

CUT TO: Two frames side-by-side, one with SQUIDWARD, one with the HUGE FAT GUY, both facing the viewer and simultaneously burping.

SQUIDWARD AND HUGE FAT GUY

BBBBBUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPPP!!!!

(MUSIC)

Tough competition music stops.

CUT TO: Overhead of a boxing ring. SQUIDWARD is sitting in one corner, PATRICK next to him. The HUGE FAT GUY is in the opposite corner, SQUILLIAN next to him.

ANNOUNCER (O.S.)

This burping boxing will determine … first prize!

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD and PATRICK’S corner. SQUIDWARD is sitting slightly slumped on a stool, looking a bit tired, but very determined. He is sucking on a straw sticking out of a big bottle of Burpie Pop that PATRICK is holding for him. PATRICK is giving SQUIDWARD a tough coach look.

PATRICK

When the bell rings, get in there and burp!

CUT TO: The HUGE FAT GUY and SQUILLIAN. The HUGE FAT GUY is sitting on a stool. SQUILLIAN is standing next to the HUGE FAT GUY and looking contemptuously at him.

SQUILLIAN

Just do that thing you do.

CUT TO: A boxing bell. It dings.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD’s corner of the ring. He starts running to the center of the ring.

CUT TO: Center ring. The HUGE FAT GUY jumps into center ring. He faces SQUIDWARD’s side of the ring and burps, a loud concussive wave of burp that heads toward and hits SQUIDWARD just as he enters the frame.

HUGE FAT GUY

Burp!

SQUIDWARD is knocked back out of frame.

CUT TO: The boxing ring corner with PATRICK in it. SQUIDWARD flies back and slams onto the stool.

(SOUND)

WHAM!

SQUIDWARD looks beat up. He looks at PATRICK, plaintive and shocked. PATRICK looks impassive.

SQUIDWARD

He’s, gasp, puff, really tough …

PATRICK’S face gets tougher.

PATRICK

Get. Back. In. There.

PATRICK grabs SQUIDWARD and throws him back into the ring. There is another huge BURP (O.S. from THE HUGE FAT GUY).

(SOUND) (O.S.)

Burp!

SQUIDWARD is thrown back onto the stool with another loud WHAM.

(SOUND)

WHAM!

Again, PATRICK picks up SQUIDWARD and throws him again.

(SOUND) (O.S.)

Burp!

BURP! Again, SQUIDWARD is slammed back onto the stool.

(SOUND)

WHAM!

PATRICK picks up SQUIDWARD. This time, SQUIDWARD burps his dialogue at PATRICK.

SQUIDWARD

(spoken as a burp)

STOP IT!

The burp makes PATRICK let go of SQUIDWARD; PATRICK is knocked flat on his back.

PATRICK

Finland!

CUT TO: The HUGE FAT GUY is standing center-ring, looking into the camera: this is SQUIDWARD’S perspective. Nasty-faced, THE HUGE FAT GUY motions for SQUIDWARD to come.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD frowning toward center-ring.

SQUIDWARD

Time for a little strategy.

SQUIDWARD charges at the HUGE FAT GUY again.

CUT TO: The HUGE FAT GUY inhaling.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD still running, determined.

CUT TO: The HUGE FAT GUY just starts his burp, which emerges as a big shock wave.

HUGE FAT GUY

Burp!

The action goes slow-motion, like the Matrix movies. SQUIDWARD enters the frame, looks down at the floor, and burps.

SQUIDWARD

Burp!

This burp propels SQUIDWARD into the air, somersaulting him over the burp shock wave and the HUGE FAT GUY. SQUIDWARD lands behind the HUGE FAT GUY, landing feet-first perfect and facing the back of the HUGE FAT GUY’S head.

The action goes normal speed again. SQUIDWARD quickly and powerfully burps at the HUGE FAT GUY, who is blown off frame.

SQUIDWARD

Burp!

CUT TO: The boxing corner with PATRICK in it. The HUGE FAT GUY slams onto the stool.

(SOUND)

Wham!

PATRICK, still lying on the floor/mat, looks at the HUGE FAT GUY in confusion.

PATRICK

You’re not Squidward.

The HUGE FAT GUY looks up toward ring center.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD is standing center-ring, looking into the camera: the HUGE FAT GUY’S perspective. Tough-faced, SQUIDWARD motions for THE HUGE FAT GUY to come, using the same motion that the HUGE FAT GUY used earlier. The HUGE FAT GUY smiles with some respect. He stands up and walks towards SQUIDWARD.

CUT TO: Center ring. The HUGE FAT GUY enters the frame to face SQUIDWARD. They size each other up. Then the HUGE FAT GUY burps at SQUIDWARD, who weaves and fancy-foot-works. The burp misses him. SQUIDWARD burps at the HUGE FAT GUY, but the HUGE FAT GUY bends way back, the burp missing him. They do several more burps, visible as air balls, which all miss due to SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY bobbing and weaving and ducking and fancy-foot-working.

SQUIDWARD and HUGE FAT GUY

Burp! Burp! Burp! Burp! Burp!

CUT TO: Several air-ball burps hit several audience members like cannonballs, knocking them flat.

(SOUND)

(burp, with corresponding person in audience whammed by it)

Burp! Wham! Burp! Wham! Burp! Wham!

A burp hits a large-drink-swilling and popcorn-chomping SPONGEBOB, knocking him flat on his back. He raises a fist.

(SOUND)

Burp! Wham!

SPONGEBOB

Go Squidward!

CUT TO: Center ring. SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY stand about six feet apart. They are facing each other, exhausted, sweaty, breathing heavily. They get their breath back, stand up straight, look into each others eyes, and nod. Without looking away from each other, they both reach toward their boxing ring corners.

From off-frame, PATRICK’s and SQUILLIAN’s arms come in and hand their athletes a big bottle of Burpie Pop.

SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY each drink the entire bottle. They both hugely inhale. Then they burp at each other, two long, loud, continuous burps that do not end, but grow louder and louder. The burps form two blasting air shock waves that meet between SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY.

(SOUND)

(Continues till stopped.)

Bbbbuuuuurrrrrpppppp …

The burpy shock waves from the still growing continuous burp create a ball of burp-shock-wave energy between SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY. This ball grows bigger and bigger. (Like when two super-powered guys in comic books aim their hand-blasted rays at each other to show who has more superpower. And you know what happens with two super-ray-blasts blasting at each other like firehoses, right? Because it’s going to happen here.)

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD’S side. He is still doing his continuous burp, straining to keep it going. Sweating, eyes bulging, shaking, but not giving up.

CUT TO: The HUGE FAT GUY’S side. He is still doing his continuous burp, straining to keep it going. Sweating, eyes bulging, shaking, but not giving up.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY and the now huge burp air ball between them. The ball throbs, glows, and shakes, and gets bigger and bigger.

CUT TO: The stadium stands are earthquake shaking. Audience members are tossed about like leaves in the wind.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD and the HUGE FAT GUY are still burping. They are in terrible shape, but neither is giving up.

CUT TO: The big burping energy ball brightens, rings like a huge fire bell, and explodes.

(SOUND)

The burp stops.

(SOUND)

BOOM!

CUT TO: Smoke and dust clear, revealing that the entire stadium is flattened by the explosion.

CUT TO (USING THE BUBBLE CUT THAT I SEE ON SPONGEBOB A LOT): SQUIDWARD is lying in his bed at home. The DOCTOR guy, standing next to the bed, takes a thermometer out of SQUIDWARD’S mouth.

DOCTOR

Well, Mr. Tentacles, you should recover just fine. Except for one thing. I am sorry to say, you will never burp again.

SQUIDWARD looks annoyed, but not very disappointed.

SQUIDWARD

Oh, well. It was disgusting anyway. I’m glad it’s over.

The camera pulls back showing SPONGEBOB and PATRICK standing next to the bed. They speak to the DOCTOR.

SPONGEBOB

Never? Ever? Never ever?

PATRICK

Never ever like forever ever?

DOCTOR

Never ever never ever never ever like forever. Ever.

The DOCTOR leaves. SPONGEBOB and PATRICK cry loudly, their tears gushing like waterfalls.

SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK

We’re so sorry for you! WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

SQUIDWARD keeps his temper under control, just barely.

SQUIDWARD

Just let me get some rest.

SPONGEBOB and PATRICK hug each other, and walk out of frame, doing big body-racking sobs all the way.

(SOUND)

Sobbing. Door slam.

(SOUND)

Door opens.

SQUILLIAN walks into frame to stand by SQUIDWARD’S bedside. His poise is respectful.

SQUILLIAN

I asked to be the one to deliver to you the first prize trophy. You earned it.

SQUIDWARD smiles huge. SQUILLIAN smiles also, and pulls the trophy from behind his back.

CUT TO: CLOSE-UP of the trophy. The trophy is golden, gleaming, and is shaped like the huge fat guy that SQUIDWARD competed against.

(SOUND)

Tuba blat.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD sitting up in bed, chest up. His jaw drops a couple of feet in astonishment.

CAMERA BACKS OFF to show SQUILLIAN holding the trophy up to SQUIDWARD. SQUILLIAN’s voice and face are nasty and happy.

SQUILLIAN

Burpie Pop redesigned the trophy this year!

SQUIDWARD closes his jaw-dropped mouth using his hands. He now looks disgusted.

SQUIDWARD

Just put it in my trophy case.

SQUILLIAN walks out of the frame, laughing, carrying the trophy.

(SOUND) (O.S.)

Sound of the trophy being stuffed into the trophy case. Then a front door slam.

SQUIDWARD looks toward his trophy case.

SQUIDWARD

At least I won first prize.

CUT TO: the trophy case, stuffed with and sagging under the weight of the first place burping trophy.

CUT TO: SQUIDWARD sitting up in bed. He coughs. Then he takes a drink of water. He hiccups very loud.

SQUIDWARD

Cough. Slurp. HICCUP!

PATRICK (O.S.)

Wow.

CAMERA BACKS OFF to show PATRICK looking in a window at SQUIDWARD. SQUIDWARD looks back at PATRICK.

PATRICK

You gotta …

SQUIDWARD

No.

The camera moves to show SPONGEBOB standing by SQUIDWARD’S bedside. SPONGEBOB hops up and down excitedly in a circle around SQUIDWARD, babbling fast.

SPONGEBOB

That was great! Great! Great! Great! Great! Great! Great …

SQUIDWARD looks disgusted. SPONGEBOB is still hopping around SQUIDWARD’S bedside and babbling.

Fade OUT.

THE END

 

One thought on “My Spongebob Fanfic: Squidburp

  1. Pingback: Squidburp! | Dave M. Strom: author of Holly the superheroine

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