Brett Kavanaugh, I want your evil laugh!

(Bob the Angry Flower by Stephen Notley, BUY HIS STUFF!!!)

If Brett Kavanaugh shoves his whiny, weepy, Yale-privileged, partisan-petty, beer-guzzling, frat-boy face into the Supreme Court for the rest of my life, I won’t cry (unlike him). No, I will put him into my stories as villainous Judge Bart Boofontov (okay, the last name is still in flux). As Lex Luthor said when he used his body’s kryptonite poisoning against Superman, “It’s a basic rule of business. Turn a weakness into a strength.”

But I need Judge Boofontov’s evil laugh. My supervillain Harry Headbutt (big bellowing bully): “BAH WAH, HAW HAW!” Ice Cream Guy (freezer frosty shiver): “HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!” Stephan (Simon Bar Sinister): “BEE-YOU, HA HA HA HAAAA!!!” Christine Ford testified about teen Brett’s “uproarious laughter” as he ground on top of her. I can cogitate on that (but not on a full stomach). Hmm, how about, “HOO HOO HOO HOO YEAH!” Too Santa Claus?

SPOILER ALERT! In my still-to-be-outlined-and-written Super Holly super civil war novel, Judge Boofontov will make the Supreme Court in Stumpfinger’s presidency. Since the word of three women (or four) is worth less than Brett’s word to old white male Rethuglicans, Bart will rule that a woman is one-fifth of a person. (Less than one-twentieth if the person is Stumpfinger.) There is precedent for this fractionalization, remember the three-fifths rule?

P.S. I have to admit that if Brett does not make the Supreme Court, I would be far less likely to create this character. It would be too much like punching down. Super Holly Hansson would prefers to punch up, punching down is for bullies.

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