Kittygirl: Second draft.

You will notice a big change: I rewrote the beginning entirely because I wanted Kittygirl’s older brother teasing her. An older brother would do that even if little sister has superpowers. A theme in the story is Kittygirl thinking boys can be stupid. Anyhow, this beginning is more like draft 1.5, whereas the rest of the story is draft 2. (I found some typos just pasting this into the blog!) The story is out to my critique group now, and I will get feedback tomorrow. I’ll be doing the third draft soon (the beginning is draftier and will need the most work), and then it will be just minor cleanup. In the past few months, I have been sticking to a three draft limit. I have to finish a story SOMETIME!

SURFVILLE, CALIFORNIA. THE BACKYARD LOCATION OF THE OFFICIAL SUPER HOLLY FANCLUB MONTHLY MEETING. EARLY SEPTEMBER. A SATURDAY. 2:41 P.M.

A couple dozen furious fangirls bounced angrily in their folding chairs. “We wanna see the Holly comic!” “You’re MEAN!” “I’m gonna tell your mommy!”

As for the president of the Super Holly fan club, the fur raised on the back of her neck. Kittygirl extended her front claws, which could slice through steel like a hot knife through butter! “Give it back, give it, GIVE IT!” She showed her scary sharp fangs! “HISSSSSS!!!”

Johnny was not impressed. No thirteen-year-old brother on Earth was scared of his eight-year-old sister, even if she had superpowers. He held up the Holly Hansson comic book just out of reach. “Careful! You’ll rip it!”

Kittygirl retracted her claws. Johnny had just gotten more teasing lately. Well, Kittygirl had gotten the proportionate strength and speed of a kittycat! She pounced!

And missed? How had Johnny pulled the comic away just in time, HOW?

Johnny leaned down and whispered, “Your kittycat eye pupils get real big just before you pounce. Better not let supervillains see that!”

Kittygirl blinked. When she grew up, she’d fight lots of supervillains! And Johnny would cheer her on. But this eye thing, maybe she could … her super-sharp hearing caught a faint whoosh. Her pointy ears swiveled toward it.

Johnny saw that. His smile got really smiled goofy. “Kat? Is it Holly?”

The sound of the WHOOSH whooshed close enough for normal human ears! One fangirl pointed up. “Look! Up inna sky!” Other girls joined in. “It’s a bird!” “It’s a plane!”

And Kittygirl squealed, “It’s SUPER HOLLY!”

And a blonde woman in a red cape and a blue, long-sleeve supersuit with a yellow up-arrow chest logo meteored out of the sky and landed at Kittygirl’s side.

The fangirls stood and clapped.

John looked at Holly, starting at her feet, then up her long, strong legs, then to her yellow arrow chest logo. His eyes got a little bigger. “Wow!”

Holly put a finger under his chin and tipped his head up. She said softly, “My eyes are up here, young man.”

He handed Holly the comic book. He was still smiling so goofy! “Nice seeing you, Holly! Really!” He ran into the house like he was embarrassed.

Holly winked at Kittygirl. “I think your brother likes me.” She faced her fan club, her red cape and long blonde hair ruffling in the breeze. Holly was so tall and strong, so beautiful and brave. Her beaky nose gave her a fierce eagle look. Or maybe fierce rocket: when Holly got really mad, steam came out her nose. Kittygirl had always wanted to see that.

It would not be today. Holly looked really happy as she held up the comic book. “Faithful fangirls, this is the first print of my latest comic book! It’s about—”

A loud tune played. A tinny version of Turkey in the Straw. The girls squealed happily, jumped out of their chairs and stampeded around the house.

Kittygirl tugged at Holly’s cape. “I’m sorry, Holly, that wasn’t nice!”

Holly laughed. “Even I, the mightiest super on Earth, can’t compete with ice cream.” Holly got a twinkle in her eye. “Maybe he has strawberry!” She picked up Kittygirl and jumped over the house.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s