At the end of this post is the first page or so of my first draft, which I just completed today. It is rough, it needs a complete rewrite, and I think it needs more visuals and other senses. Normal for a first draft.
Already, I know that Cal the Intellectual needs to be the Point Of View character instead of Holly. Later in the story, Holly loses the ability to read, then speak, then think. That made her mental narration hard to write, and I had to switch to Cal mid-story. It also means I might write this story in first person POV because that fits Cal’s personality.
Also, I am going to rewrite the start of the story so that Holly catches Cal reading a text novel behind his comic book. A play on a teacher catching a student reading a comic book tucked into his textbook. Holly is teaching Cal more about comic books, a reversal of the student/teacher role for them.
I do not have a snappy ending yet. Or a title. I will start the second draft tonight or tomorrow morning, and I’ll post a bit of that when it is done. I’ll also be cutting a lot out, since the limit is 1500 words. Wish me luck, and comments are welcome. (Well, trolls and spam are never welcome, but I do not expect that yet.) And without further ado:
THE FIRST PAGE OF THE FIRST DRAFT!
SURFVILLE, CALIFORNIA. THE GEEK GUY’S COMICS AND COFFEE CORNER. A CORNER WITH A COFFEE TABLE FOR TWO. EARLY OCTOBER. A SATURDAY. 1:22 P.M.
“You can do anything with words and pictures, Cal. Surely your super-intellect can calculate that.”
Holly Hansson set her Power Girl comic book on the table to take another gulp of her creamy cold quadruple shot iced mocha. She leaned over, kissed her Batman-esque boyfriend, and sighed happily. Unlike her supersuit, her comfortable jeans had not crept up her butt.
Cal looked up from his “Workin’ Ammuricun!” comic book. “Harvey Splendor is an exquisite writer, and he has excellent taste for his artists.” He set the comic book on the table next to his small iced coffee and took another off his stack of 60 comic books, his super-intelligence sucking in ten comic books to Holly’s one. “But there is much to be said for the text novel, where readers paint pictures in their minds.”
ZZZ or maybe he finished his stack and now reaches for a novel. This is how I put in my own comments. ZZZ
Holly smirked at him. “Says the movie critic.” Cal’s day job. His night job was striking fear into the unjust. She picked up her comic book again. “You’re way ahead of me, let me finish my stack.”
Dave M. Strom: author of Holly Hansson, superheroine & writer 