The Wil Wheaton Project (or, I’m Sorry, Weasly!)


Wil Wheaton. Of The Big Bang Theory fame. And Stand by Me fame. And Just a Geek fame. And yes, Wesley Crusher fame. More on that last one later.

Wil has a new show: The Wil Wheaton Project, where he discusses (as in has a lot of geeky fun) with Sci-Fi, fantasy, and horror stuff. Watch it on SyFy. Or on your computer (not on my Hulu Plus yet, c’mon and get there already!).

Wil on the Dracula TV show making the first vampire an inventor: “I vant to light your bulbs!”

Wil used funky 70s porn music to spoof a scene of two Romans (or Greeks, or some guys taking off togas) bathing and saying the type of lines that Gore Vidal wrote in the 50s to imply guy-on-guy action when the camera panned away. I’ll have to take Wil’s word for that music, one of the many music genres I do not know. I assume the guys who made that movie (or TV?) scene now know what they are doing.

Will showed that the TV show Starcrossed did not understand how Walkie-Talkies work. Note to Hollywood’s teen-TV-show directors: when the guy you are talking to is less than three feet away, you do not use a Walkie-Talkie to talk to him.

(Sound effects: my voice goes Jack Nicholson Joker.) Where does Wil find those wonderful toys, I mean, those goofy cheap Sci-Fi movie clips? Like a tentacle rising out of a toilet and touching a guy in a bathroom, making the guy explode? Or a cell phone blue-lightning-zapping a guy in a church, making the guy explode? Or having a mob boss fire his handgun several times, then a batman-ripoff guys’s fist punches the boss from just off camera and from about two feet from the boss’s face, making his head explode? Okay, that mob boss did not explode, but he must have the worst aim in the entire multi-verse. Wil said, “That fist came from the same place that people are watching this film: nowhere.”

Wil raised his hand when he showed a clip of a woman from The Talk asking the geeks in her audience, “Would you have sex with a robot?” Wil then said, well, maybe third base. I would have said, is it a Tyra-Banks-Bot?

Wil knows geek stuff. Wil loves the good stuff and laughs at the bad stuff. Wil respects geeks. God, I love this guy. I am as gay for him as a straight white male geek can get. So I have to say something that I should have said years ago.

Wil, remember when I was chuckling nastily when both Captain Picard and Wil Riker said in unison to you (as Wesley Crusher), “Shut up, Wesley!” And do you remember years ago, when I paid a good comic book artist to draw a character based on you being punched out of the story by a Mr. Spock ripoff, and my Seven of Nine ripoff also used the shut up line, in my comic book story Strom Trek? (Which I still have not published anywhere, what’s wrong with me?) I say this now, I say it loud, and I say it from the bottom of my heart:

I’m sorry. (Sound effects: my voice goes Rudyard Kipling.) Tho’ I’ve belted you and flayed you, by the living gawd that made you, you’re a better geek than I am, Wil Wheaton!



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